Ready for Kids

Like many people, I did not want to have kids so quickly after marriage. I didn't get married until I was 28 and I told my husband, Albert, that I wanted to have five years of fun first, before we had children. We certainly did have fun in our first five years of marriage. We traveled and my career really took off. I was doing great and then, uh-oh, five years had passed. I was 33, but still not ready for children. We decided to wait a few more years.

I was 36 and he was 37. We decided that the time was right to begin. We read all the books and then jumped into baby-making mode. Only problem was that it wasn't happening. After a year of trying on our own, we made an appointment with my gyno to see why we couldn't get pregnant. Maybe we just didn't know how to do it???

He suggested that the first step was to have my husband’s sperm tested. That was the quickest way to see what was going on. Okay, so he went to have his first of many sperm tests. The first results were not promising. No Sperm. WHAT? How could that be? Never heard of such a thing. My gyno recommended that he see a urologist.

Urologist was consulted and another sperm test was done with the same results a medical condition called azoospermia. The question now was to determine whether azoospermia was being caused by a blockage that could be surgically corrected or if it was a genetic problem. A testicular biopsy was scheduled. I was in the waiting room with other families who were nervously waiting for their loved ones. After a few hours the doctor came to get me. He took me into another room to tell me that there was no blockage causing the azoospermia. They did a scraping and would test to see if the sperm they found was mature. Possibly if they were, "something" could be done. He wasn't very hopeful.

We left that day and waited for the results. We waited and waited. Albert did not want to call the doctor. I think he just didn't want the bad results. I finally insisted that he call. He did and the results were devastating. "You best bet is a sperm donor."

Uh, no. We are not interested thank you. Time passed. My husband was doing lots of internet research and found an infertility doctor that he wanted to see. His name? Dr. Seman. Ironic, huh? We went, but I wasn't too hopeful. I mean, we had no sperm. Another sperm test and we brought all the results from the other doctors to the appointment. This guy was hopeful. He said when they did the biopsy; they should have frozen the sperm they found, but no worry because they would just re-do the biopsy. In the mean time, he referred me to a fertility specialist to ensure that if he were to get my husband's sperm, that my body would be ready to accept it.

Great, just what I wanted. More people poking and prodding. The truth of the matter was that at this point, I didn't want to be pregnant. I just wanted a baby. I was sort of going through the motions for my hubby. I really didn't think anything was going to come of this. I mean, he had no sperm!

Okay, we visit this new doctor. I was started on clomed. They did blood tests. After one cycle of clomed I had more blood tests. The results were poor. My FSH levels were too high and should have come down since taking the drugs. The doctor told me that my chances of in-vitro success were less than 5%. He did not recommend trying it and said I should consider an egg donor.

I was stunned. One: I didn't even think that I wanted to be pregnant, two: My husband was the one that was supposed to have the infertility issues, not me and 3: I couldn't believe that this was it. I couldn't get pregnant, even if I wanted to.

I called Albert and told him the news, choking back the tears. It's over. No egg donor or sperm donors for us. I know lots of people choose to form their families that way, but it wasn't for us. Why do that? I didn't have a burning desire to be pregnant. There are so many babies that already need homes, right? My desire for a baby increased. I wanted a baby more than ever now. Albert didn't skip a beat. No problem he said. We're going to adopt. And just like that, we turned to adoption.



7/19/2003