I have been waiting to hear news of our official log in date so everyday I anxiously go through the mail looking for a letter from CHI. Last week I was disappointed because there was a letter from CHI about waiting children, but it wasn't what I was hoping for.
As I sorted through the mail today, I saw an envelope that looked like a book. It was upside down so I didn't know who it was from, but I set it aside to look at all the letter-type envelopes. There were none from CHI. I flipped over the book envelope and it was from CHI. I opened it and there was a letter with my official log in date of 2-27-04 and a book called "Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?" A parent's guide to raising multiracial children. What a pleasant surprise. Thanks CHI! We are officially DTC for February!!!
Monday, March 15, 2004
Monday, March 1, 2004
DTC & LID
The home office of CHI in Saint Louis had my dossier and were looking it over to make sure everything was there that was supposed to be there. It takes a while to do this, gather up all the dossiers that were going at the same time and then send them to China, DTC (Dossier to China) . However, CHI sends them to their office in China to have all the dossiers translated into Chinese first. Some agencies translate the dossiers in the US an then send them to the CCAA for processing.
Why is this important? Well, once you know when the CCAA has logged in your dossier, then you can estimate when you will be getting your referral. In my case, being DTC wouldn't give be an estimate because DTC just meant it was going to the Chinese office of CHI. What I needed was a LID- log in date. This is the date that the Chinese governemnet logged in my dossier. This is the date that I could use to estimate when I might receive my referral.
Another hitch is that CHI knows when they send the dossiers to the CCAA, but that date doesn't matter either (not that they tell us this date). The dossiers could be sitting on someone's desk in China for weeks before someone actually logs in the date that it was received.
Although we sent the dossier to CHI in January, it still had to go through processing on their end in the U.S. and in China. I was hoping to have a February LID, but would have to wait until I received my official notification from CHI.
in 2004, referrals were coming 5-7 months after LID. If we had a February LID, we could get our referral in July or August and that would mean we'd be in China in September or October! We just need a LID!!!!
Why is this important? Well, once you know when the CCAA has logged in your dossier, then you can estimate when you will be getting your referral. In my case, being DTC wouldn't give be an estimate because DTC just meant it was going to the Chinese office of CHI. What I needed was a LID- log in date. This is the date that the Chinese governemnet logged in my dossier. This is the date that I could use to estimate when I might receive my referral.
Another hitch is that CHI knows when they send the dossiers to the CCAA, but that date doesn't matter either (not that they tell us this date). The dossiers could be sitting on someone's desk in China for weeks before someone actually logs in the date that it was received.
Although we sent the dossier to CHI in January, it still had to go through processing on their end in the U.S. and in China. I was hoping to have a February LID, but would have to wait until I received my official notification from CHI.
in 2004, referrals were coming 5-7 months after LID. If we had a February LID, we could get our referral in July or August and that would mean we'd be in China in September or October! We just need a LID!!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2004
I-171H Arrives
Albert, and I were having breakfast when we heard the postal carrier at the door. The dogs go crazy, which is really what alerted us to the postal carrier. Anyway, we have a slot through the door that the mail comes through. I leaned back to yell at the dogs to knock it off (they were really loud) and saw the mail as it was spilling into the hallway. I saw a brown envelope. Now, I have been sending away for all of these free samples lately so I thought it was one of those.
I ran over to get it and when I looked at the envelope, I saw that it was from Homeland Security. Quickly I scooped it up and ran over to AR. "I think we got it," I shrieked. Carefully I opened it up, but there were a few documents in there. I was looking for the I-171H somewhere on the forms...I didn't see it. "
Well, is it the form?" AR asked.
"I can't tell," I replied as I was flipping through the documents and then, I saw it.
There was the tiny I-171H in the corner that I was looking for. Yes, we have the approval!!!!! On 1/24/2004 we received the I-171H. I ran out the door now to make copies, got them notarized and off to the state of NJ for the seal. And, I was doing the happy dance the whole way!
I ran over to get it and when I looked at the envelope, I saw that it was from Homeland Security. Quickly I scooped it up and ran over to AR. "I think we got it," I shrieked. Carefully I opened it up, but there were a few documents in there. I was looking for the I-171H somewhere on the forms...I didn't see it. "
Well, is it the form?" AR asked.
"I can't tell," I replied as I was flipping through the documents and then, I saw it.
There was the tiny I-171H in the corner that I was looking for. Yes, we have the approval!!!!! On 1/24/2004 we received the I-171H. I ran out the door now to make copies, got them notarized and off to the state of NJ for the seal. And, I was doing the happy dance the whole way!
Friday, January 9, 2004
Fingerprint Appointment
I sent the form into Homeland Security on 12/11/2003. On 12/15/03 I received a letter from them with an appointment date of 1/9/2004. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I thought that I might be able to have an appointment before the end of 2003, but that was not to be.
The AR, my dad and I were fingerprinted in Hackensack NJ at the Homeland Security office. My dad walked in first and he told the guard he was there for his fingerprint apppointment. The guard asked my dad why he needed to be fingerprinted and he said "for an adoption," the guard looked at my dad and said, "You're adopting???" We all had a laugh at that, but then he realized that AR and I were adopting.
Fingerprints were done and now I am just waiting for the I-171H to arrive in the mail. How long will it take??? Guess that is the big unknown. More waiting...
The AR, my dad and I were fingerprinted in Hackensack NJ at the Homeland Security office. My dad walked in first and he told the guard he was there for his fingerprint apppointment. The guard asked my dad why he needed to be fingerprinted and he said "for an adoption," the guard looked at my dad and said, "You're adopting???" We all had a laugh at that, but then he realized that AR and I were adopting.
Fingerprints were done and now I am just waiting for the I-171H to arrive in the mail. How long will it take??? Guess that is the big unknown. More waiting...
Thursday, November 27, 2003
Thanksgiving Came & Went - No Homestudy
I was hoping to have my homestudy in my hot little hands by Thanksgiving, but it didn't happen. I called the homestudy agency and they kept giving me excuses. The social worker had the flu. Its almost done, just proofreading etc. Finally they told me it was done. I sent AR to go pick it up because mailing it would just delay us further.
As AR flipped through the homestudy in the office, he noticed that my last name was misspelled and told them. They edited the document and re-printed it while he waited. As soon as I got home I looked through it and it all seemed okay to me, so I faxed it to CHI in NY to have Carrie look it over. She called me a day after I faxed it and said that they left my father off of the Child Abuse Report Incident, which is a major big deal! Carrie also didn't like te way some things were worded either.
I called the homestudy agency on the phone to discuss the issues. I spoke to Marie, the director. She was pissy with me. I couldn't believe her attitude. She had the balls to say, "Your husband looked at it in the office and said it was fine!" Yeah, I told her after we waited 6 weeks for the damn thing, he flipped through it quickly and saw that you misspelled my last name. You certainly didn't think that was our approval, did you???" She was snippy with me and I told her that Carrie from CHI would be calling too because they wanted a few things re-worded. She was just annoyed and thought I was a pain in the ass. Yeah, but you took my $1,200 for the homestudy so you'd better believe that it has to be correct!
I just knew she was going to make me twist in the wind waiting for the corrections. Carrie called me later in the day to say that she told them of the changes that she wanted. They weren't too nice to her either. We were both pretty sure that they were going to make us wait for the correction, which easily could have been done in 10 minutes. I called them every day to see if it was done. Finally they told it was done and I got it on December 9th.
I had hoped to be DTC by the end of the month and now it just wasn't going to happen. With holidays upon us, I figured we were looking at late January to be DTC. CHI approved the homestudy and I sent it off to Newark on December 11, 2003 with my FINAL form, the 600-A. Once Homeland Security had my homestudy and the 600-A, they would ask give us all an appointment for fingerprinting. Once the fingerprints cleared, we would get the last piece of paperwork that we need for our dossier, the 171-H. The 171-H form means that we are approved by the Federal government to bring an orphaned chilld from another country to the United States.
More waiting....
As AR flipped through the homestudy in the office, he noticed that my last name was misspelled and told them. They edited the document and re-printed it while he waited. As soon as I got home I looked through it and it all seemed okay to me, so I faxed it to CHI in NY to have Carrie look it over. She called me a day after I faxed it and said that they left my father off of the Child Abuse Report Incident, which is a major big deal! Carrie also didn't like te way some things were worded either.
I called the homestudy agency on the phone to discuss the issues. I spoke to Marie, the director. She was pissy with me. I couldn't believe her attitude. She had the balls to say, "Your husband looked at it in the office and said it was fine!" Yeah, I told her after we waited 6 weeks for the damn thing, he flipped through it quickly and saw that you misspelled my last name. You certainly didn't think that was our approval, did you???" She was snippy with me and I told her that Carrie from CHI would be calling too because they wanted a few things re-worded. She was just annoyed and thought I was a pain in the ass. Yeah, but you took my $1,200 for the homestudy so you'd better believe that it has to be correct!
I just knew she was going to make me twist in the wind waiting for the corrections. Carrie called me later in the day to say that she told them of the changes that she wanted. They weren't too nice to her either. We were both pretty sure that they were going to make us wait for the correction, which easily could have been done in 10 minutes. I called them every day to see if it was done. Finally they told it was done and I got it on December 9th.
I had hoped to be DTC by the end of the month and now it just wasn't going to happen. With holidays upon us, I figured we were looking at late January to be DTC. CHI approved the homestudy and I sent it off to Newark on December 11, 2003 with my FINAL form, the 600-A. Once Homeland Security had my homestudy and the 600-A, they would ask give us all an appointment for fingerprinting. Once the fingerprints cleared, we would get the last piece of paperwork that we need for our dossier, the 171-H. The 171-H form means that we are approved by the Federal government to bring an orphaned chilld from another country to the United States.
More waiting....
Wednesday, October 1, 2003
The Home Study
So, what exactly is a home study anyway?
The state of New Jersey requires that all prospective adoptive parents have a home study prepared by a licensed social worker from a non-profit adoption agency. The home study is a written report about your family done by the social worker. The intent is to assess the home and see that it meets the state standards for the child’s safety and assesses available space.
As part of the home study, we had to gather lots of documents and answer a million questions. China requires that we must have a minimum of 4 visits with the social worker. The first meeting was at the adoption agency. Our social worker was a guy, and that seems to be unusual from what others have told me.
I really had no idea of what to expect at this meeting. He really started off by asking where I was born, and where did I live after coming home from the hospital after being born (oh, yeah, this was going to take a LONG time to get through). I also came home with a list of documents that I had to gather. In addition, because we lived with my dad, I had to gather almost all of the same documents for him.
Birth certificates for three of us
Marriage certificate
Medical report for three of us
Fingerprinting for all three of us
Letter from the police department stating that none of us had a criminal record and were citizens of good standing in the community
Appointment of a guardian for our child
Financial documents
Three letters of reference.
The letters of reference killed me because none could be written by a family member and one had to be written by a neighbor. A NEIGHBOR. I barely speak to any of my neighbors and I don’t even know their last names. Can you just imagine knocking on your neighbor’s door standing there with a checklist of what needed to be covered in the letter and having to explain that you are adopting and you need a letter of reference from them to convince the state that we were qualified to be adoptive parents?
Yeah, neither could I. That’s why I made AR do it. Hey, I was doing all of the frigging paperwork and all he really had to do was sign on the X whenever I shoved a piece of paper in front of him. It was the least he could do. I asked my best friend and a close family friend to write the other two letters. The letters had to be notarized too.
On our second homestudy meeting at the office, we finished up each of our life history up to when we got married to each other. Then we started delving into why we wanted to adopt. So for us, that meant delving into the infertility issues. He spoke to us together and then each of us separately. He needed to determine whether we were entering the adoption process willingly or not. I guess speaking without the other person there would allow one spouse to say things they don’t want to say in front of their partner.
A large focus of the home study was on each of our childhoods. What was your fondest memory? Should I tell him that I thought my father was superman and swore that I saw his blue cape? No, I told him it was the big Italian Sunday dinners we had a grandma’s house every week eating pasta and brown derby cake that my uncle John always brought over.
Was I ever hit as a child? Hmmm, not by my parents but my oma hit me with a wooden spoon once because I left my records on the floor and my younger cousin stood on them and crushed them. Why was I hit??? ‘Cuz I left the records on the floor.
What were my feelings about discipline? I know the answer that the social worker was looking for here, but the truth was that if I ever had to swat my kid on the behind, I would do so. However, what I said was that I would never use corporeal punishment and signed a document to that effect. Timeouts would be the primary punishment.
What role does religion play in your lives? Oh, boy. This is a loaded question. The truth? I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in god. I questioned the belief system that the Catholic school tried to cram down my throat when I was 11. Did I get married in a church? Yes. It meant nothing to me and it meant everything to them, and my parents were paying for the wedding, so what was wrong with a bit more hypocrisy surrounding the Catholic church? My answer to this question was “I am a lapsed Catholic. I don’t feel the need for organized religion,” and he didn’t press me on it so that was that.
The last home study visit was three weeks after the first visit, so we did it pretty quickly. The last visit took place in our home. I was dreading this because even though I know they don’t do the white glove test, what was he really going to do? He came in and when he sat down, one of my dogs immediately jumped into his lap. I think he was more of a cat person, if you catch my drift, and thought he’s be mad, but he was cool and just petted my dog while he continued to ask questions.
He asked my dad if he supported our efforts for the adoption, which of course, he said yes. I told my dad not to offer any information and to just answer the questions he was asked directly. I didn’t want to take any chances. What if my dad said something crazy? It could happen, you know. Thankfully it all went well. We were hoping to have our home study in our hands in three weeks, which would put us around Thanksgiving. More waiting.
The state of New Jersey requires that all prospective adoptive parents have a home study prepared by a licensed social worker from a non-profit adoption agency. The home study is a written report about your family done by the social worker. The intent is to assess the home and see that it meets the state standards for the child’s safety and assesses available space.
As part of the home study, we had to gather lots of documents and answer a million questions. China requires that we must have a minimum of 4 visits with the social worker. The first meeting was at the adoption agency. Our social worker was a guy, and that seems to be unusual from what others have told me.
I really had no idea of what to expect at this meeting. He really started off by asking where I was born, and where did I live after coming home from the hospital after being born (oh, yeah, this was going to take a LONG time to get through). I also came home with a list of documents that I had to gather. In addition, because we lived with my dad, I had to gather almost all of the same documents for him.
Birth certificates for three of us
Marriage certificate
Medical report for three of us
Fingerprinting for all three of us
Letter from the police department stating that none of us had a criminal record and were citizens of good standing in the community
Appointment of a guardian for our child
Financial documents
Three letters of reference.
The letters of reference killed me because none could be written by a family member and one had to be written by a neighbor. A NEIGHBOR. I barely speak to any of my neighbors and I don’t even know their last names. Can you just imagine knocking on your neighbor’s door standing there with a checklist of what needed to be covered in the letter and having to explain that you are adopting and you need a letter of reference from them to convince the state that we were qualified to be adoptive parents?
Yeah, neither could I. That’s why I made AR do it. Hey, I was doing all of the frigging paperwork and all he really had to do was sign on the X whenever I shoved a piece of paper in front of him. It was the least he could do. I asked my best friend and a close family friend to write the other two letters. The letters had to be notarized too.
On our second homestudy meeting at the office, we finished up each of our life history up to when we got married to each other. Then we started delving into why we wanted to adopt. So for us, that meant delving into the infertility issues. He spoke to us together and then each of us separately. He needed to determine whether we were entering the adoption process willingly or not. I guess speaking without the other person there would allow one spouse to say things they don’t want to say in front of their partner.
A large focus of the home study was on each of our childhoods. What was your fondest memory? Should I tell him that I thought my father was superman and swore that I saw his blue cape? No, I told him it was the big Italian Sunday dinners we had a grandma’s house every week eating pasta and brown derby cake that my uncle John always brought over.
Was I ever hit as a child? Hmmm, not by my parents but my oma hit me with a wooden spoon once because I left my records on the floor and my younger cousin stood on them and crushed them. Why was I hit??? ‘Cuz I left the records on the floor.
What were my feelings about discipline? I know the answer that the social worker was looking for here, but the truth was that if I ever had to swat my kid on the behind, I would do so. However, what I said was that I would never use corporeal punishment and signed a document to that effect. Timeouts would be the primary punishment.
What role does religion play in your lives? Oh, boy. This is a loaded question. The truth? I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in god. I questioned the belief system that the Catholic school tried to cram down my throat when I was 11. Did I get married in a church? Yes. It meant nothing to me and it meant everything to them, and my parents were paying for the wedding, so what was wrong with a bit more hypocrisy surrounding the Catholic church? My answer to this question was “I am a lapsed Catholic. I don’t feel the need for organized religion,” and he didn’t press me on it so that was that.
The last home study visit was three weeks after the first visit, so we did it pretty quickly. The last visit took place in our home. I was dreading this because even though I know they don’t do the white glove test, what was he really going to do? He came in and when he sat down, one of my dogs immediately jumped into his lap. I think he was more of a cat person, if you catch my drift, and thought he’s be mad, but he was cool and just petted my dog while he continued to ask questions.
He asked my dad if he supported our efforts for the adoption, which of course, he said yes. I told my dad not to offer any information and to just answer the questions he was asked directly. I didn’t want to take any chances. What if my dad said something crazy? It could happen, you know. Thankfully it all went well. We were hoping to have our home study in our hands in three weeks, which would put us around Thanksgiving. More waiting.
Sunday, September 21, 2003
I Need TWO Agencies?
We live in NJ. Our adoption agency is in NY. Houston, we have a problem. We are required to have a home study done, but it must be done by an agency that is licensed in NJ since that is where we live. This is just terrific because now I need to find an adoption agency in NJ to get this done.
One year before officially embarking upon this adoption journey, we went to an information meeting at an agency in NJ. We did not particularly care for them. The director made some inappropriate comments to a woman in the audience who was asking why she couldn’t adopt an infant. (She was 50 and her spouse was 55). There are ways that things could be phrased so as not to sound offensive. The director didn’t choose the high road and it turned me right off. I didn’t like them because they were a very small agency. If I was going to be in China, I sure as hell wanted to know that there was going to be someone in my corner and wanted the reassurance that a larger agency could give me.
Anyway, we decided to use this small agency for the homestudy. It was conveniently located to us. NOTE: convenience is not a reason to pick an adoption agency. More on that later.
One year before officially embarking upon this adoption journey, we went to an information meeting at an agency in NJ. We did not particularly care for them. The director made some inappropriate comments to a woman in the audience who was asking why she couldn’t adopt an infant. (She was 50 and her spouse was 55). There are ways that things could be phrased so as not to sound offensive. The director didn’t choose the high road and it turned me right off. I didn’t like them because they were a very small agency. If I was going to be in China, I sure as hell wanted to know that there was going to be someone in my corner and wanted the reassurance that a larger agency could give me.
Anyway, we decided to use this small agency for the homestudy. It was conveniently located to us. NOTE: convenience is not a reason to pick an adoption agency. More on that later.
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