So I think my stress test is scheduled and then the hospital calls me and tells me that I have to bring the referral from the doctor, pre-certification and a prescription from the doctor. She left the message on my voicemail at work so nothing was explained. What precertification??? She said that she called Dr. Bypass and he said that they don't do the pre-certification.
I call her right back and get her voicemail and I leave a message for her and wait....and wait...I don't like waiting so I decide to call my new doctor that I saw Monday night. I'll get to that later, but I ask if the pre-certification is the same as the medical clearance, which we had discussed Monday night. Nope. They don't do pre-certifications. Dr. Bypass does that. ARGH!!! No one knows WTF is going on and I just want to cry. I hang up and wait.
The hospital called me and I asked her what the pre-certification was for. She said it was for the stress test. Okay, that helps a bit. I thought it had to do with the surgery. She told me to call my primary doctor to get the pre-cert and reminded me to get the referral and the prescription. I told her that the hospital should have the referral already, but of course, she said they didn't.
I shut my office door and call the referral people. They told me that I had to call a toll free number and make the appointment for the stress test. I already had the appointment for the stress test, but I play along. She gives me the authorization number which she says is the pre-certification. I call the 1-800 number and it was easy. I gave them my name and the authorization number and I told them where I was going for the test.
Then I sent my husband to my primary doctor to get the copy of the referral and the prescription for the stress test. They didn't understand why a prescription was needed because the referral was sent. AR came home with a piece of paper that he was told was the referral. Oh, it was a referral all right, but not the right one. It was a referral for me to see Dr. Bypass, which isn't going to help me get the stress test at the hospital. ARGH!!
We waited one day and then AR went back to the office. He was able to get the referral and the prescription. They knew he was going to come back because they realized they had given him the wrong referral. Would have been nice if they'd called us though, right?
It think it will be a friggin miracle if I actually have the surgery done on November 6th.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
When a Pet is Sick
Those of us with pets know a love like no other. My Chihuahuas were my first babies before there was ever a two-legged baby in my life. Boy did I treat them like babies too. I would carry them around as if they couldn’t walk on their own and I cuddled with them and gave kisses and just spoiled them in general. In return I had two fiercely loyal companions who charged to greet me at the door every day when I came home. They leap into my lap as soon as I was seated. I was rewarded with sweet and sometimes not so sweet doggy kisses. So when Pinky first got sick, I was terrified.
She is a part of me and I simply could not imagine a day without Pinky in my life, and yet that is what I had to contend with. What ifs could drive a person insane, I know, but the reality was that I could lose her. I was not ready for that. Then I was wondering how Chi-Chi would react to not having her older sister around.
Pinky was only 9 years old and had lots of years left in her. She started having pee accidents in the house. This was unusual for her, so I knew something was wrong. The vet thought she probably just had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and prescribed anti-biotic and took a pure urine sample from her bladder. He cautioned that it could be a sign of something more serious like bladder stones.
She started the meds, but I didn’t see a huge improvement. The vet called to say that her tests came back positive for a UTI, so the meds he prescribed should be helping. I said that she was still peeing in the house only now it seemed like she was having trouble peeing. He scheduled a sonogram for Pinky to see if she had bladder stones.
The bad news was that she did have bladder stones, five to be exact. He recommended surgery to remove them and we decided to leave her at the hospital and have the surgery done immediately. She came through the surgery just fine and the stones were really pointy. She must have been in a lot of pain and never let on.
The stones were sent out to see what they were composed of which would tell us how she needed to be treated. Sometimes it would require medication and sometimes a change in diet, but the composition of the stones would let the vet know. The results took weeks to come back and they were mixed. It was highly unusual for the stones to be made up of different substances and that’s what we had.
I had to bring her in for some blood work to ensure she didn’t have liver disease. And no, thankfully, she does not. We are treating her now with diet. She is eating a special dog food and I have to get urine samples to see if the food is helping.
The good news is that she certainly seems fine right now. She actually likes the prescription dog food, which is a miracle because she is a fussy eater. What is the bad news? I had to contemplate a life without Pinky. It is not a happy place and I hope I don’t have to deal with this for years.
She is a part of me and I simply could not imagine a day without Pinky in my life, and yet that is what I had to contend with. What ifs could drive a person insane, I know, but the reality was that I could lose her. I was not ready for that. Then I was wondering how Chi-Chi would react to not having her older sister around.
Pinky was only 9 years old and had lots of years left in her. She started having pee accidents in the house. This was unusual for her, so I knew something was wrong. The vet thought she probably just had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and prescribed anti-biotic and took a pure urine sample from her bladder. He cautioned that it could be a sign of something more serious like bladder stones.
She started the meds, but I didn’t see a huge improvement. The vet called to say that her tests came back positive for a UTI, so the meds he prescribed should be helping. I said that she was still peeing in the house only now it seemed like she was having trouble peeing. He scheduled a sonogram for Pinky to see if she had bladder stones.
The bad news was that she did have bladder stones, five to be exact. He recommended surgery to remove them and we decided to leave her at the hospital and have the surgery done immediately. She came through the surgery just fine and the stones were really pointy. She must have been in a lot of pain and never let on.
The stones were sent out to see what they were composed of which would tell us how she needed to be treated. Sometimes it would require medication and sometimes a change in diet, but the composition of the stones would let the vet know. The results took weeks to come back and they were mixed. It was highly unusual for the stones to be made up of different substances and that’s what we had.
I had to bring her in for some blood work to ensure she didn’t have liver disease. And no, thankfully, she does not. We are treating her now with diet. She is eating a special dog food and I have to get urine samples to see if the food is helping.
The good news is that she certainly seems fine right now. She actually likes the prescription dog food, which is a miracle because she is a fussy eater. What is the bad news? I had to contemplate a life without Pinky. It is not a happy place and I hope I don’t have to deal with this for years.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Test Scheduled
My stress test has been scheduled; or rather I should say my tests have been scheduled. I have to have two done over a two-day period, which makes this all incredibly inconvenient. The first test as 12:30 on October 30th and the second is 8:30 am on October 31st.
The problem? I don’t really have any time I can use to take off from work. I won’t be at my job 1 year until November 14th. My surgery is November 6th. The little time I have must be used to get me from Nov 6th through November 14th, so that I can start FMLA from November 15th on.
I’ll have to go into work on the 30th and leave at 12:15. I’ll take my lunch from 12:15 until 1:15. They said I should plan on being there 1.5 hours each day. Hopefully I can be back at work by 2:30. The following day I will just have to go into work late and I am guessing that I shall be in work by 11 am if not sooner.
10/24/2006
The problem? I don’t really have any time I can use to take off from work. I won’t be at my job 1 year until November 14th. My surgery is November 6th. The little time I have must be used to get me from Nov 6th through November 14th, so that I can start FMLA from November 15th on.
I’ll have to go into work on the 30th and leave at 12:15. I’ll take my lunch from 12:15 until 1:15. They said I should plan on being there 1.5 hours each day. Hopefully I can be back at work by 2:30. The following day I will just have to go into work late and I am guessing that I shall be in work by 11 am if not sooner.
10/24/2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
Stressed Out
So it is October 23rd and I still don’t have an appointment to have my stress test done. I am so stressed over this (no pun intended, I swear!) like you cannot imagine. Why is this just so goddamned hard to get done? I’ve gone back and forth with my primary doctor’s office since October 13th. I foolishly believed them when they said someone would call me and leave me a message, which never happened. Precious time has been lost. It is difficult to make these types of phone calls from work too. I do not want the people I work with to know what is going on right now. Not their business.
Anyway, the way it was left off last Friday was that they sent the referral to Dr. Bypass. WHAT??? Why on earth would they send it to him? He isn’t doing the stress test. This has just become one confusing mess that I just can’t deal with it. I am to the point where I am going to say Fuck It and just forget the whole thing. I am that frustrated. I am so thankful that my wonderful husband has stepped in to get this done for me. Hopefully he will have good news to give me when we speak later today.
Anyway, the way it was left off last Friday was that they sent the referral to Dr. Bypass. WHAT??? Why on earth would they send it to him? He isn’t doing the stress test. This has just become one confusing mess that I just can’t deal with it. I am to the point where I am going to say Fuck It and just forget the whole thing. I am that frustrated. I am so thankful that my wonderful husband has stepped in to get this done for me. Hopefully he will have good news to give me when we speak later today.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Fleabag!
My dogs have never had fleas. I used to put these chemicals on them to prevent fleas. However I stopped using this last year because Pinky had a bad reaction. She was doing all of these odd movements. I don’t just mean trying to get the medicine off of her, because they both did that, but she was doing these jerky motions. It scared me and I bathed her to try and get the meds off. Chi-Chi seemed unaffected.
Someone told me to give the dogs garlic pills. It is a natural flea inhibitor. Guess they don’t like the smell of garlic, kind of like vampires, huh? Pinky LOVED the taste of the pills. Now the pills are very big pills. They crumble easily, so when I tried to cut them in half, they powdered. She ate them without the aid of peanut butter, which is indeed rare. Normally I have to hide the pills in cheese or peanut butter to get them to eat the pill, so I was happy she ate them like a treat.
Chi-Chi, on the other hand, did not like the smell at all. Even doused in peanut butter, she would only eat part of the pill. I’d find the other half, and sometimes all of it, under the couch with the peanut butter licked off. I thought about crumbling it in her food, but then I figured that she wouldn’t eat her food, and as much as she needs to slim down, I didn’t want that.
When Pinky had her bladder problem, I stopped all the supplements I was giving them for fear that the supplements were causing her stones. This was in May-June. So I got out of the habit of giving them their all-natural flea repellant. Do you see where this is going?
I notice Pinky was scratching a lot. I pulled her fur to see if I could spot a flea and I didn’t see any. Still, I decided that I’d better give them a bath. They both went into the sink for a bath, but all I had was regular doggy shampoo. I didn’t have flea shampoo. Why would I have that? They never had fleas!
I kept them both off the bed for a few days, which was a feat in and of itself. Pinky was easy because she cannot jump onto the bed. Do you know how many times a night I had to deflect Chi-Chi as she attempted to hurdle herself up there? 4-5 times every night. She was a persistent doggy!
I’m petting Pinky a few nights later and I feel something hard on her back. I literally had to pull it off of her. It looked like dirt. I kept petting her and I kept finding more and more of it. I sat her on a piece of paper and started brushing her and this dirt was coming off. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it wasn’t good. I examined her again and then I saw it. A FLEA. It was too quick for me to get it off of her. I figured that the dirt I pulled off was from the flea and it turns out that is a telltale sign that your dog has fleas.
I gave AR a list of things to buy: flea shampoo, flea spray for the room and flea dip. I remember years ago they had flea dip that you would put on your dog and it would get the fleas off. I also started the garlic pills again and settled on only giving Chi-Chi half a pill since that was all she would eat anyway. I checked Chi-Chi, but she did not have the dirt on her. I didn’t see any fleas either.
The pet supply store recommended a flea & tick liquid that you put between their shoulder blades. It was a different brand than I had used in the past, so that was purchased along with the room spray. They refused to carry flea dip as it has been known to cause blindness in some dogs. They also advised not to use the medicine and the flea shampoo, just one or the other or the dogs will get over-medicated.
No bad reactions from either dog, I am pleased to say. Within three days, the flea dirt is now gone from Pinky. Chi-Chi still is dirt free. Poor Pinky felt so rejected though because I refused to pick her up and tote her around the way I normally did, plus she wasn’t allowed on the bed even though she let me know every morning and evening that she wanted to come up. I had to tell her to Go TO YOUR BED and she was not pleased.
Lesson learned. Don’t stop flea treatments during flea season!
Someone told me to give the dogs garlic pills. It is a natural flea inhibitor. Guess they don’t like the smell of garlic, kind of like vampires, huh? Pinky LOVED the taste of the pills. Now the pills are very big pills. They crumble easily, so when I tried to cut them in half, they powdered. She ate them without the aid of peanut butter, which is indeed rare. Normally I have to hide the pills in cheese or peanut butter to get them to eat the pill, so I was happy she ate them like a treat.
Chi-Chi, on the other hand, did not like the smell at all. Even doused in peanut butter, she would only eat part of the pill. I’d find the other half, and sometimes all of it, under the couch with the peanut butter licked off. I thought about crumbling it in her food, but then I figured that she wouldn’t eat her food, and as much as she needs to slim down, I didn’t want that.
When Pinky had her bladder problem, I stopped all the supplements I was giving them for fear that the supplements were causing her stones. This was in May-June. So I got out of the habit of giving them their all-natural flea repellant. Do you see where this is going?
I notice Pinky was scratching a lot. I pulled her fur to see if I could spot a flea and I didn’t see any. Still, I decided that I’d better give them a bath. They both went into the sink for a bath, but all I had was regular doggy shampoo. I didn’t have flea shampoo. Why would I have that? They never had fleas!
I kept them both off the bed for a few days, which was a feat in and of itself. Pinky was easy because she cannot jump onto the bed. Do you know how many times a night I had to deflect Chi-Chi as she attempted to hurdle herself up there? 4-5 times every night. She was a persistent doggy!
I’m petting Pinky a few nights later and I feel something hard on her back. I literally had to pull it off of her. It looked like dirt. I kept petting her and I kept finding more and more of it. I sat her on a piece of paper and started brushing her and this dirt was coming off. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it wasn’t good. I examined her again and then I saw it. A FLEA. It was too quick for me to get it off of her. I figured that the dirt I pulled off was from the flea and it turns out that is a telltale sign that your dog has fleas.
I gave AR a list of things to buy: flea shampoo, flea spray for the room and flea dip. I remember years ago they had flea dip that you would put on your dog and it would get the fleas off. I also started the garlic pills again and settled on only giving Chi-Chi half a pill since that was all she would eat anyway. I checked Chi-Chi, but she did not have the dirt on her. I didn’t see any fleas either.
The pet supply store recommended a flea & tick liquid that you put between their shoulder blades. It was a different brand than I had used in the past, so that was purchased along with the room spray. They refused to carry flea dip as it has been known to cause blindness in some dogs. They also advised not to use the medicine and the flea shampoo, just one or the other or the dogs will get over-medicated.
No bad reactions from either dog, I am pleased to say. Within three days, the flea dirt is now gone from Pinky. Chi-Chi still is dirt free. Poor Pinky felt so rejected though because I refused to pick her up and tote her around the way I normally did, plus she wasn’t allowed on the bed even though she let me know every morning and evening that she wanted to come up. I had to tell her to Go TO YOUR BED and she was not pleased.
Lesson learned. Don’t stop flea treatments during flea season!
Yoga: Heaven or Hell?
Went to a yoga class last night. Truthfully, I was not looking forward to it at all. I didn’t think I’d like all the crazy poses and such. It was a gift from my dear husband, three months ago on my birthday he gave me an introductory session. I put it off until the certificate was about to expire. I have a cold, so I really wasn’t feeling up to going, but I didn’t want to disappoint AR, so I went.
As soon as I stepped into the office I felt as if I were in a different world. The lighting was dimmed; soothing Asian music was playing and there was a fresh pot of tea brewing beside a water fountain gently splashing water. Maybe this was my kind of place.
I was asked to fill out a form, and I did. One of the questions: weight _____. Why in the hell do they need to know that? I filled it out anyway and then checked off some boxes as to why I wanted to come to yoga. No, gift certificate was not a choice and neither was guilt. I chose: relaxation, improved emotional health and weight loss. Why not?
Then this tiny Asian woman came out and looked at my form. She took me into another room and closed the door once I was inside. There was one yoga mat on the floor. She told me that she wanted to evaluate me before class. She had me lifting my legs, turning my head and arms and stretching all different ways. When I was lying on the floor, she pulled on my feet and said my right side of my body was longer than my left side. She said I was imbalanced.
She had me breathe in and out and told me that I was not breathing properly. Huh? I’m alive, aren’t I? My breaths were too shallow. I need to breathe from my diaphragm. Then she touched my upper back and neck and said there was a lot of tension there. I was holding on to too much inside and need to let it out. My CHI is not flowing properly. When I am stressed, it always goes to my neck and upper back, but I’m sure most other people have the same symptoms.
I was a little out of breath by the time she finished evaluating me. In fact, I thought about maybe just going home, but the opportunity did not present itself as she shuttled me into the other room where the yoga class would begin. They showed me this intestinal exercise and we started doing that right away. As people came into the classroom, they just joined right in. Before I knew it, the class began.
You know what? It didn’t suck. I enjoyed it. It was challenging for me since I am so out of shape, but I found it invigorating and relaxing at the same time. It wasn’t a traditional “dog facing down” yoga class, I am happy to report. It was very much like the stretching exercises we did in tae kwon do. The only difference is that the stretching didn’t stop! It was a great work out. I couldn’t do everything due to my bad knee and excess weight, but I was able to do so much that I impressed the instructor. Of course, I failed to realize that the class was 70 minutes long! Christ, that is a loooong time, especially when you don’t know anyone and your muscles were getting wobbly from holding positions for such a length of time and you thought it was a 45 minute class!
They brought in a cup of tea for everyone, but I figured that this was my time to exit. I thought it would be awkward sipping tea with these people. I don’t know why. Maybe on another night it wouldn’t have seemed so strange, but I still was unable to make a quick getaway. They had to make their sales pitch, right? I sat through that and told her I was interested, but not sure when I could start classes. I know they will be calling me to get me back in.
I really think this would be great for me, once I've lost some weight after the surgery and I am cleared to exercise vigorously. I just can’t see starting it now, but I also don’t feel the need to tell them all the details of my life either. Of course, I am telling all of you, so I guess, what’s the difference? Good point.
As soon as I stepped into the office I felt as if I were in a different world. The lighting was dimmed; soothing Asian music was playing and there was a fresh pot of tea brewing beside a water fountain gently splashing water. Maybe this was my kind of place.
I was asked to fill out a form, and I did. One of the questions: weight _____. Why in the hell do they need to know that? I filled it out anyway and then checked off some boxes as to why I wanted to come to yoga. No, gift certificate was not a choice and neither was guilt. I chose: relaxation, improved emotional health and weight loss. Why not?
Then this tiny Asian woman came out and looked at my form. She took me into another room and closed the door once I was inside. There was one yoga mat on the floor. She told me that she wanted to evaluate me before class. She had me lifting my legs, turning my head and arms and stretching all different ways. When I was lying on the floor, she pulled on my feet and said my right side of my body was longer than my left side. She said I was imbalanced.
She had me breathe in and out and told me that I was not breathing properly. Huh? I’m alive, aren’t I? My breaths were too shallow. I need to breathe from my diaphragm. Then she touched my upper back and neck and said there was a lot of tension there. I was holding on to too much inside and need to let it out. My CHI is not flowing properly. When I am stressed, it always goes to my neck and upper back, but I’m sure most other people have the same symptoms.
I was a little out of breath by the time she finished evaluating me. In fact, I thought about maybe just going home, but the opportunity did not present itself as she shuttled me into the other room where the yoga class would begin. They showed me this intestinal exercise and we started doing that right away. As people came into the classroom, they just joined right in. Before I knew it, the class began.
You know what? It didn’t suck. I enjoyed it. It was challenging for me since I am so out of shape, but I found it invigorating and relaxing at the same time. It wasn’t a traditional “dog facing down” yoga class, I am happy to report. It was very much like the stretching exercises we did in tae kwon do. The only difference is that the stretching didn’t stop! It was a great work out. I couldn’t do everything due to my bad knee and excess weight, but I was able to do so much that I impressed the instructor. Of course, I failed to realize that the class was 70 minutes long! Christ, that is a loooong time, especially when you don’t know anyone and your muscles were getting wobbly from holding positions for such a length of time and you thought it was a 45 minute class!
They brought in a cup of tea for everyone, but I figured that this was my time to exit. I thought it would be awkward sipping tea with these people. I don’t know why. Maybe on another night it wouldn’t have seemed so strange, but I still was unable to make a quick getaway. They had to make their sales pitch, right? I sat through that and told her I was interested, but not sure when I could start classes. I know they will be calling me to get me back in.
I really think this would be great for me, once I've lost some weight after the surgery and I am cleared to exercise vigorously. I just can’t see starting it now, but I also don’t feel the need to tell them all the details of my life either. Of course, I am telling all of you, so I guess, what’s the difference? Good point.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Yet another doctor
Dr. Bypass's office called me to inform me that I will need a new primary physician that is affiliated with the hospital. This is so that the doctor will be able to keep tabs on me while I am at the hospital and for any post surgical issues I may have.
I am not thrilled with this news because: 1. I like my current PHP and 2. Now I have to squeeze in time to meet this doctor before the surgery so "he'll know me." Yeah, after meeting me once for 10 minutes, he's really going to know me. I'm starting to think that this is just a scam to get hospital affiliated doctors more patients. His name? Get this, Dr. Fink! Yep, that is his real name. Funny, huh? My appointment is Oct 23rd at 5:30. At least I don't have to take off from work for this.
I also have to have a stress test done, which none of my doctors do in the office. I will have to go into the hospital to have this done. Which of my myriad doctors will be coordinating this??? I don't know and I am so confused right now. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Now I have to scramble to have that done as well. Oh, joy!
I am not thrilled with this news because: 1. I like my current PHP and 2. Now I have to squeeze in time to meet this doctor before the surgery so "he'll know me." Yeah, after meeting me once for 10 minutes, he's really going to know me. I'm starting to think that this is just a scam to get hospital affiliated doctors more patients. His name? Get this, Dr. Fink! Yep, that is his real name. Funny, huh? My appointment is Oct 23rd at 5:30. At least I don't have to take off from work for this.
I also have to have a stress test done, which none of my doctors do in the office. I will have to go into the hospital to have this done. Which of my myriad doctors will be coordinating this??? I don't know and I am so confused right now. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Now I have to scramble to have that done as well. Oh, joy!
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Dr. Bypass
Had my consultation with Dr. Bypass on Friday October 13th. Kind of an ominous date, so I was a bit nervous. I initially planned on going to work after the consult, but the sore throat I had the other day developed into a full blown cold, so I felt like shit. Called in sick.
Dr. Bypass was LATE. I was his first appointment of the day and he wasn't on time. I really hate that, but he was doing rounds at the hospital, so it wasn't like he slept late or anything. He wore a blue pinstripe suit. The pinstripes were kind of wide. Seemed like a strange choice in a suit. Weird thing is that the first time I saw him (in a group meeting) he had on the same pinstripe suit. Maybe all he owns is pinstripe? Anyway, I digress.
Got on the scale and it was the kind that tells you your weight and fat content. Great. I mean, I already know I am FAT, now I get to learn the percentage of fat I am. Oh, and they took a polaroid photo of me too. I'm sure I looked smashing in my sweatpants. I'm 52% fat. More fat than not.
Prior to the consult I had a battery of bloodwork done and an ekg and a chest x-ray which I had sent to him. I had a psych evaluation by a shrink (more on that later) & a visit to a nutritionist. I also had to fill out a stack of paperwork. I had to list my weight loss history. Yeah, that was depressing. I lost 300 pounds over the years, but of course gained it all back.
The upshot of it all was that he needs all this documentation to get the insurance company to authorize the surgery. "Not going to be a problem," he said. Wonderful, I am just so fat that they have to pay for it. Anyway, I'm supposed to weigh 145 pounds. I think I weighed that in 9th grade. Seriously, I am never going to weigh 145. Not ever. I will be happy to weigh anything in the 100s. If I follow his instructions and I choose the right foods and I exercise, one year after surgery I should weigh 190.
Before I left, I had to pick a date for my surgery. The first available date they had was November 6th. That seems awfully soon, but I said okay. Of course, my first thought was, what will I be eating for Thanksgiving? No, the surgery will not fix the way my brain works. Only I can change that and will be working on it. I can just see myself sitting there eating my two ounces of jell-o while everyone else is stuffing themselves with pepperoni, turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie! Well, I guess the holidays are as good a time as any to do this
I haven't told anyone about the surgery yet, except AR and my best friend. Guess I'll have to tell my family and my job soon. I mean, three weeks will come pretty quickly. Don't know how long I will be out of work. I'd like it to be as long as possible though :)
Dr. Bypass was LATE. I was his first appointment of the day and he wasn't on time. I really hate that, but he was doing rounds at the hospital, so it wasn't like he slept late or anything. He wore a blue pinstripe suit. The pinstripes were kind of wide. Seemed like a strange choice in a suit. Weird thing is that the first time I saw him (in a group meeting) he had on the same pinstripe suit. Maybe all he owns is pinstripe? Anyway, I digress.
Got on the scale and it was the kind that tells you your weight and fat content. Great. I mean, I already know I am FAT, now I get to learn the percentage of fat I am. Oh, and they took a polaroid photo of me too. I'm sure I looked smashing in my sweatpants. I'm 52% fat. More fat than not.
Prior to the consult I had a battery of bloodwork done and an ekg and a chest x-ray which I had sent to him. I had a psych evaluation by a shrink (more on that later) & a visit to a nutritionist. I also had to fill out a stack of paperwork. I had to list my weight loss history. Yeah, that was depressing. I lost 300 pounds over the years, but of course gained it all back.
The upshot of it all was that he needs all this documentation to get the insurance company to authorize the surgery. "Not going to be a problem," he said. Wonderful, I am just so fat that they have to pay for it. Anyway, I'm supposed to weigh 145 pounds. I think I weighed that in 9th grade. Seriously, I am never going to weigh 145. Not ever. I will be happy to weigh anything in the 100s. If I follow his instructions and I choose the right foods and I exercise, one year after surgery I should weigh 190.
Before I left, I had to pick a date for my surgery. The first available date they had was November 6th. That seems awfully soon, but I said okay. Of course, my first thought was, what will I be eating for Thanksgiving? No, the surgery will not fix the way my brain works. Only I can change that and will be working on it. I can just see myself sitting there eating my two ounces of jell-o while everyone else is stuffing themselves with pepperoni, turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie! Well, I guess the holidays are as good a time as any to do this
I haven't told anyone about the surgery yet, except AR and my best friend. Guess I'll have to tell my family and my job soon. I mean, three weeks will come pretty quickly. Don't know how long I will be out of work. I'd like it to be as long as possible though :)
Monday, October 2, 2006
Crayola® Kryptonite
I was awakened last night at 1:15 am from a deep sleep to the unmistakable sound of a Chihuahua heaving. Nothing strikes fear in the heart of a Chihuahua owner more than the sound of vomiting. There isn’t much worse in life than rolling over in bed into a puddle of cold puke, unless you have a dog with loose sphincter muscles but that is a story for another day…Luckily, the culprit this time was Chi-Chi and she is most considerate. When she feels the vomit urge strike, she leaps off the bed to hide under it where she does her dastardly deed. Of course, you are only lucky if it is at night because at least then you know what is transpiring. It can happen when no one is there to see it and then we play a game of “What’s that stench and where is it coming from?”
So there I was at 1:30 am attempting to coax Chi-Chi out from under the bed. AR was snoring away oblivious to all. She kept making that wretched dry heave sound without producing any vomit. She must have eaten a bad crayon or perhaps Chi-Chi had just discovered what her Crayola® limit was for the day. Either way, something needed to be done to remedy the situation.
I pretended not to care and climbed back into bed, allowing my arm to hang off of it so that my hand touched the floor. Slowly I heard Chi-Chi inch her way over to my side under the bed (AR’s side is the one she prefers to puke under), until her cold wet nose was flush with my hand. I gently scratched her head and rubbed under her chin all the while whispering to her that she needn’t hide under the bed since she isn’t a bad dog just because she feels sick over and over until she was finally out from under the bed.
Up until this point, Pinky was fully enjoying the luxury of being the only Chihuahua in the bed. She shot me a dirty look when I pulled Chi-Chi onto the comforter. Success at last! I scooped up the ill-feeling Chihuahua and sprinted into the kitchen with my catch. I dared not to release the petite hound for experience has taught that she would immediately dart under the couch, thus beginning the next round of coaxing.
With one hand filled with Chihuahua, the other managed to open the fridge door and pull out a bottle of tonic water. Tonic water is the great elixir when a tummy is upset. It works for humans, so why not for Chihuahuas? I somehow unscrewed the bottle cap with one hand and poured a small amount in a glass Pyrex dish, also known is this home as a dog bowl. I held the bowl up to Chi-Chi’s mouth and her head bent down slightly to inspect what was proffered. After a quick sniff, she flatly refused the tonic.
I took a spoon and tried unsuccessfully to get Chi-Chi to drink from it. Finally I dipped my finger into the tonic and touched it to Chi-Chi’s lips. She accepted the tonic and so we continued finger to bowl, tonic to Chihuahua lips until it was done. It was a painstakingly slow process.
I sent Chi-Chi out into the yard thinking that she might enjoy a chomp of some grass to force the vomit issue, but she did not partake of the green substance. Promptly she emitted a huge poo smattered with flecks of Vivid Violet crayon, the last Crayola® to meet with Chi-Chi’s vice-like jaws.
Chi-Chi scampered back into the house and was already peacefully slumbering before I reached the bed. I spied my daughter’s box of Crayolas® that have already proven to be one Chihuahua’s Kryptonite. I cavalierly tossed the sweet-smelling wax into the garbage without thinking how I was going to explain the missing crayons to her and retreated to the bedroom. Pinky had already assumed her rightful place atop my pillow. As I settled back into bed, Chi-Chi snuggled up to my legs and Pinky heaved a deep sigh. I looked at the red LCD numbers on the clock that said 2:10 am. Only three more hours until it’s time to get up I thought and instantly fell asleep. All was right with the world.
So there I was at 1:30 am attempting to coax Chi-Chi out from under the bed. AR was snoring away oblivious to all. She kept making that wretched dry heave sound without producing any vomit. She must have eaten a bad crayon or perhaps Chi-Chi had just discovered what her Crayola® limit was for the day. Either way, something needed to be done to remedy the situation.
I pretended not to care and climbed back into bed, allowing my arm to hang off of it so that my hand touched the floor. Slowly I heard Chi-Chi inch her way over to my side under the bed (AR’s side is the one she prefers to puke under), until her cold wet nose was flush with my hand. I gently scratched her head and rubbed under her chin all the while whispering to her that she needn’t hide under the bed since she isn’t a bad dog just because she feels sick over and over until she was finally out from under the bed.
Up until this point, Pinky was fully enjoying the luxury of being the only Chihuahua in the bed. She shot me a dirty look when I pulled Chi-Chi onto the comforter. Success at last! I scooped up the ill-feeling Chihuahua and sprinted into the kitchen with my catch. I dared not to release the petite hound for experience has taught that she would immediately dart under the couch, thus beginning the next round of coaxing.
With one hand filled with Chihuahua, the other managed to open the fridge door and pull out a bottle of tonic water. Tonic water is the great elixir when a tummy is upset. It works for humans, so why not for Chihuahuas? I somehow unscrewed the bottle cap with one hand and poured a small amount in a glass Pyrex dish, also known is this home as a dog bowl. I held the bowl up to Chi-Chi’s mouth and her head bent down slightly to inspect what was proffered. After a quick sniff, she flatly refused the tonic.
I took a spoon and tried unsuccessfully to get Chi-Chi to drink from it. Finally I dipped my finger into the tonic and touched it to Chi-Chi’s lips. She accepted the tonic and so we continued finger to bowl, tonic to Chihuahua lips until it was done. It was a painstakingly slow process.
I sent Chi-Chi out into the yard thinking that she might enjoy a chomp of some grass to force the vomit issue, but she did not partake of the green substance. Promptly she emitted a huge poo smattered with flecks of Vivid Violet crayon, the last Crayola® to meet with Chi-Chi’s vice-like jaws.
Chi-Chi scampered back into the house and was already peacefully slumbering before I reached the bed. I spied my daughter’s box of Crayolas® that have already proven to be one Chihuahua’s Kryptonite. I cavalierly tossed the sweet-smelling wax into the garbage without thinking how I was going to explain the missing crayons to her and retreated to the bedroom. Pinky had already assumed her rightful place atop my pillow. As I settled back into bed, Chi-Chi snuggled up to my legs and Pinky heaved a deep sigh. I looked at the red LCD numbers on the clock that said 2:10 am. Only three more hours until it’s time to get up I thought and instantly fell asleep. All was right with the world.
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