Why am I doing this?

I've been fat my whole life, well, at least what I can remember of it. I wasn't fat when I was a baby, but I don't remember that. Food has always been my drug of choice. I used it to celebrate the good things that happen and I used it to medicate when I was unhappy. Like many overweight people I have dieted most of my adult life. Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Nutri-System, Medifast, Atkins, Cabbage Soup ad nasuem. My weight has been up and down like the proverbial yo-yo.

Two years ago I walked into my doctor's office and told him I didn't want to have that fat surgery, so what could we do? We talked about following a low carb diet and he gave me Meridia, a prescription weight loss pill. After 2 weeks, I lost 5 pounds and my blood pressure was way up, a side effect of the pill. After another two weeks I lost a total of 7 pounds, which didn't seem like a drop in the bucket and not worth (in my opinion) taking the pills, so I stopped.

My health has been going downhill in the past two years too. High blood sugar medicine I am taking caused me to gain 60 pounds in 18 months, which wasn't exactly the sort of response I was looking for, especially since I was eating less than I ever ate before and was watching the carbs! The added weight just lessened my desire and ability to exercise, which has further compounded the problem.

I have a soon-to-be three-year-old and I want to be able to run around the yard and play with her. I want to be her mother forever if I could, but certainly, I want to see her graduate from college at the very least. I want to be healthy for her. I want to set a good example for her and how can I do that now?

The biggest risk of gastric bypass is death. I am fully aware that some people have died while having this surgery. I had a stress test done to ensure that my heart was healthy and that there were no blockages. Could I still drop dead in the OR? Yes, but I am reasonably sure that I won't. My surgeon has quite a reputation and he wouldn't let that happen, even if only to make himself look good. He is very full of himself, but I think most surgeons are like that.

There could be complications such as infection, hernia and leakage in my future. Here is an explanation of leakage: An anastamosis is a surgical connection, between the stomach and bowel, or between two parts of the bowel. The surgeon attempts to create a water-tight connection, by connecting the two organs with either staples or sutures, either of which actually makes a hole in the bowel wall. The surgeon will rely on the healing power of the body, and its ability to create a seal like a self-sealing tire, to succeed with the surgery. If that seal fails to form, for any reason, fluid from within the gastrointestinal tract can leak into the sterile abdominal cavity, and give rise to infection and abscess formation. Leakage of an anastamosis can occur in about 2% of gastric bypass procedures, usually at the stomach-bowel connection. Sometimes leakage can be treated with antibiotics, and sometimes it will require immediate re-operation.

Are you still reading??? Good for you. That last paragraph nearly put me to sleep. I have had two previous knee surgeries on my left knee and lately it is hurting a lot when I take a short walk. My feet and heels hurt too. I just want to be healthy and this surgery will give me the boost that I need to get there.